albums
Compilations
2012 Casio Picks
2012 Piano Picks
2012 Acoustic Picks
2012 Electric Picks
2013 Trex Video
Childhood (1974-90)
1977 Firsts
1978 Seconds
1985 Cacappella
1986 Eye Beater
1987 Guitarded
1988 Kim 1
1988 Kim 2
1988 Kim 3
1988 Kim 4
1988 Kim 5
1988 Kim 6
1988 Kim 7
1988 Kim 8
1988 Kim 9
1988 Kim 10
1988 Kim 11
1988 Kim 12
1989 Kim 13
1989 Five Dollar Drummer
1989 Wino Three Girls
1990 A Caustic Gutter
1996-1999
1996 NoVaSoCa
1996 Fullerton
1997 Soundtracks
1997 Walk Around
1997 Riding the Greyhound
1999 I Mowed
1999 Simulameous
1999 Yikes
1999 Piano Farte
2000-2008
2001 Marathon
2001 Days Like These
2001 Alcan Back
2001 Sleepy Sloppy
2001 Dad Day Jam
2002 Unfit
2002 The Key of G
2003 Daffy Day
2003 Januweary
2003 Post-Key
2003 Fatiguitar
2003 Oh No
2005 Waiting
2005 Sun Strike
2006 Stinky Room
2006 Schtupid
2007 Coy Pun
2007 Post-Ides
2007 Post-Ideas
2007 Post-Ideals
2007 Warble
2007 Another Same Day
2007 And Another
2007 Bald Ballads
2007 Lunch Broken
2007 Mayo
2007 Mayon
2007 Mayonandon
2007 Mayoff
2007 Juneo
2007 Juneon
2007 Juneonandon
2007 Two Song Rule
2007 Cavy Fury
2007 Infinity Daze
2007 Fall Start
2007 False Tart
2007 Fall End
2008 New Ear
2008 Decadend

Track List

# title lyrics time download listen started recorded rating
1 Cocoon lyrics 4:16 download listen locally - 2007-05-07
2 Lending Out lyrics 3:00 download listen locally - 2007-05-07
3 Inappropriate Sangria Blues lyrics 2:39 download listen locally - 2007-05-07
4 Slight Sangria Fairy 2 lyrics 3:02 download listen locally - 2007-05-07
5 Gotta Fill lyrics 0:57 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
6 Patch Tuesday lyrics 5:51 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
7 Linux Land lyrics 0:42 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
8 Ubuntu Too lyrics 2:24 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
9 Heavy Metal Poo lyrics 3:25 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
10 Fake Cavy Druid lyrics 1:31 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
11 Cavy Druid lyrics 4:43 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
12 The Fan lyrics 5:14 download listen locally - 2007-05-08
13 Ninth of May lyrics 4:12 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
14 Bumblebees lyrics 2:13 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
15 RMA KVM lyrics 5:10 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
16 RMA Reprise lyrics 1:16 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
17 Preparation Zero lyrics 5:25 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
18 Red and Wet lyrics 4:14 download listen locally - 2007-05-09
19 Guinea Pigs Intro lyrics 0:53 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
20 Guinea Pigs to the Vet lyrics 2:52 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
21 Here Comes an Eagle lyrics 2:41 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
22 Eagle Reprise lyrics 0:55 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
23 Santa Claws lyrics 5:15 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
24 Tired Garage Band lyrics 4:42 download listen locally - 2007-05-10
Total 77:32 play all locally album rating:

Notes

This is the second batch of songs from May 2007.

These are slightly catchier and lighter than the first set.

That, of course, is not saying much.

Songs

Cocoon

I assume I meant May 7.

Decent guitar sound, and decent playing. Vocals not that great though.

Lyrics to "Cocoon":

today is april 7th

we like to go for a bike ride
we like to cuddle up at night night
we like to see the green leaves
we like our world of peace

in our cocoon
in our cocoon
in our cocoon
our sanctuary room

we like to abide ???
the only clock we pay attention to is ???

in our room
in our cocoon
ah your womb

i like my room to get ???
i like my room ??

in my cocoon
i like to jam
i jam in my cocoon
and other people just eat jam

you like to bike to work
you don't like being 
at the mercy of the ??? jerks

you're stinkerbell
oh what the hell
you're stinkerbell
and you're proud of it

we like to be ourselves
we like to scoff at the sheep

in our cocoon
we like to swoon and spoon
in our cocoon
in our cocoon

i like to be in my cocoon
i like my sanctuary room

and how about you
do you like 
the isolation
every day and night
is it okay
to see only 1 face every day
is it okay
to live in a cocoon
for you
me and you
in our cocoon

in our cocoon
  

Lending Out

This starts off really messy and so loud that you can barely understand anything I was singing. Fortunately, after a minute I made the guitar quieter so that you can understand the vocals.

Lyrics to "Lending Out":

1 2 3 4

no i don't feel like lending out
the things that i earned
no i don't feel like loaning out
the things that i've always taken care of

i deserve those things, they're mine
and i'm 

oh

you might call me a selfish bastard
but that's better than being the lazy one

yikes 
this just ain't working 
let's try it again

no i don't feel like lending out
anything that has my name on it
i don't feel like handing out
the things that i earned and worked for

everybody's gotta earn his own things
my collection is not a library
i don't believe in philanthropy
when the giver the only giver is always me
and everybody's lazy

i'm not a saint
my things are my food on my plate
and i'm not really materialistic
i just like order and i deserve it
'cause i work hard for it

you might call me a selfish bastard
but i say that's better than being a lazy bastard
and you say ooh travis you are a selfish bastard
and i say that's better than being a person 
who always leeches off a selfish bastard
yeah
  

Inappropriate Sangria Blues

This starts off very quiet. Too bad it doesn't stay that way. The playing and lyrics are really sloppy.

Lyrics to "Inappropriate Sangria Blues":

i've gotta finish the sangria
it's starting to dehydrate me
oh gosh the vocals just aren't working
and the music doesn't really fit the whole topic does it
this is called my inappropriate sangria blues

1 2 uno dos tres quatro

while i was sitting on the sangria branches of a tree
and the sangria fairy came and talked to me

and she say hey boy you gotta finish this jar of sangria
it's really bad but you just finish it and so i went ahead

you know it was a work day
i felt the numbness coming over me
and i said hey little sangria fairy 
do you really think it's smart to be drinking and working at the same time
she said you gotta finish it you gotta gotta finish it
and i said don't you think it's a little inappropriate 
to be drinking and working at the same time
she said at least you don't run a bulldozer or a train for a living

and i said hey sangria fairy you're so irresponsible
i said hey sangria fairy you're gonna get me in trouble
and she said no you work ok even though you are inebriated
and i said sangria fairy you speak the truth and i love you
and i gave the sangria fairy a really sloppy kiss
and then i proceeded to fall over
and found a corner in which to go the pee pee pee pee pee ah

all right that was a slight exaggeration
  

Slight Sangria Fairy 2

Much catchier and funnier than the last one.

Lyrics to "Slight Sangria Fairy 2":

this song is called slight sangria ferry 2

in the woods there lived a fairy 
and she sold sangria
in the woods there lived a fairy 
and she made sangria

sangria sangria
everybody loves sangria
sangria sangria
everybody loves sangria

in the woods there lived a fairy 
handing out sangria
it had oranges and apples and bananas
and everybody said what good sangria

it's even better when you warm it up
in the microwave over in a glass cup
it's even better when you warm it up
when it's cold it tastes like pond muck

i love sangria
especially when it's toasty
drink much sangria
made enough to last a week

and does your good fruit does it last forever
you gotta finish it once you cut it
it's your responsibility to finish the sangria
early in the week

have a little for lunch
and a little for breakfast
a little for a snack time

and a tea time and afternoon time
sangria time
that's the time for you

everybody drink sangria
everybody try to finish it
oh we all love sangria
with every meal we love to finish it

it's our responsibility
to make sure the fruit doesn't rot
it's our responsibility
to make sure the sangria's all drunk in case the power goes out
and the refrigerator is no longer capable of keeping it cold

'cause everybody knows sangria goes bad 
if it's left in the fridge too long
it's our responsibility
to not waste a single drop of alcohol

so let's finish the sangria
who cares if it's time to work
let's finish the sangria
everybody that ??? is a ???

working at home working at home
finish the sangria to work at home
working at home working at home
everybody finish sangria at home

i gotta go now
i gotta go pee pee
i gotta go pee pee
  

Gotta Fill

Filling up the end of the tape.

Lyrics to "Gotta Fill":

this is a really short song since there's not much time left on the tape
today is the 8th of may 2007

this song is gonna be called patch tuesday
but i'm not gonna start it
this isn't really the song yet
it's just

gotta gotta gotta gotta fill up the tape
gotta gotta gotta gotta fill up the tape
gotta fill up the tape
gotta fill up the tape
gotta fill up the tape

gotta gotta gotta gotta fill up the tape
mission accomplished
  

Patch Tuesday

Clunky. Morphs into another pattern after a couple minutes. I certainly didn't have much to say!

Toward the end it gets better.

Lyrics to "Patch Tuesday":

today is the 8th
it's the 8th of may
2007 it's patch tuesday

it is 8th of may
it's the 8th of may
if you look at the calendar 
you'll see it's patch tuesday
it's patch tuesday

so along come patches and we have to respond like pavlov's dogs
push the bell push the buzzer get those updates microsoft says
push the bell push the buzzer ring the buzzer push the bell what the hell
just like microsoft says
just like microsoft says

everybody pushing the buzzer on patch tuesday
everybody beeping the buzzer 'cause that's the microsoft way

push the bell and beep the buzzer
you're just like any other
microsoft user

it's patch tuesday
the 8th of may
i'm getting tired of the microsoft way

it's patch tuesday
hey hey hey
i wish i could play

push the bell
ring the buzzer

just like any other
patch tuesday

patch tuesday

ring the bell
push the buzzer

'cause this is just a patch tuesday like any other
patch tuesday
the 8th of may
i don't have anything else to say

and just when i thought i was having something different
it's now the second tuesday of the month
and guess what hey hey hey

it's patch tuesday
it's patch tuesday
i never seem to find any time to play

it's always patch tuesday
hey hey hey hey
i hate the microsoft way the microsoft way 
the microsoft way the microsoft way
the microsoft way the microsoft way
the microsoft way 

it's always ???
push the buzzers and ring the bell
push the buzzers and ring the bell
it's patch tuesday it's patch tuesday
and this is the microsoft way

come on all you sheep out there
ring the bells push the buzzers
patch tuesday
it's patch tuesday
it's patch tuesday
it's patch tuesday
  

Linux Land

Aborted idea.

Lyrics to "Linux Land":

meanwhile in linux land
this are much quieter
quieter i said quieter
there we go

i'm using ubuntu
i'm using ubuntu
but you can call it ubuntu too

we're using ubuntu
we're using ubuntu

oh god that's a failure
all right let me pause and then i'll play the ubuntu too song
  

Ubuntu Too

Geeky.

Lyrics to "Ubuntu Too":

1 2

come on and use ubuntu
i'm using ubuntu too
come on and use ubuntu
everybody's using ubuntu so why aren't you

they all using ubuntu
we all use ubuntu too
you've got a choice of gnome or kde
it's up to you

you gotta get ubuntu
while you're at it get firefox too
isn't the microsoft and ieee
ieee that's not right

neither is ie
it's not right for you

you gotta get ubuntu
it will be right for you too
you gotta get ubuntu
get ubuntu too

why you are at it
go grab open office
you can get their excel word and powerpoint too

you get ubuntu
and firefox too
and thunderbird
all open source

all all free
just like me
you gotta get ubuntu
even retards are using ubuntu too

even jodie's using ubuntu
even jodie's using ubuntu too

so should you
  

Heavy Metal Poo

My critique of Julian Cope's recent shift to making heavy metal.

Lyrics to "Heavy Metal Poo":

so one day julian got up and decided he was never going to play pop songs again
he decided to devote the rest of his musical output to heavy metal
and everybody dreaded it
everybody thought he was crazy to give himself to the heavy metal

everybody prefered his pop songs
everybody prefered his pop songs
even the metal heads thought julian was crazy

julian where are you
julian where are you
julian where are you
making heavy metal poo

julian where are you
julian where are you
julian why are you
stirring up heavy metal poo

even the retard can bang the drums
even the retard can play power chords
even the retard can thumb the bass
even the retard can paint the face

so julian where are you
julian why are you
julian why are you
living the metal heavy poo
living the metal heavy poo
living the metal heavy poo

that was called heavy metal poo
  

Fake Cavy Druid

Aborted idea.

Lyrics to "Fake Cavy Druid":

this is called the guinea pig monk of stonehenge
otherwise known as cavy druid

???

oh god that was horrible
so much for cavy druid
no i'm gonna do it again
i'm gonna do a better cavy druid
  

Cavy Druid

More relentless noise. More Julian Cope references. This one's actually humorous, though. And a little catchy.

Lyrics to "Cavy Druid":

this one is called cavy druid
the last song was the fake cavy druid
this is the real one

here we go
it's so hot in here
it's unbelievably hot in here
i just don't understand why it's so hot in here

i'm just a cavy in the forest i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
i'm just a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back

i sound like i have a string out of whack

a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
i'm a cavy in the forest
sounds like my guitar's out of whack

hey count to 4 why don't you

i'm a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
i'm a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
so come all you romans just give me my cave back
i'm a cavy i'm a cavy i'm a cavy

i like eating hay
second best option is to sleep all day
i've got a buddy and his name is coffee
but you know i just got to say

i'm a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
i'm cavy-fied and i want the cave back
everybody body body having a bad bad day

if you can't tell i'm making fun of julian right now
this is the new julian singing about stupid stuff

so today i tried a different type of yogurt wihle doing

no his accent is not like that 
he's got a better accent like that

so today i today today today today 
today i tried a different yogurt
tried today
tried today a yo
today i tried 
today i tried 
today
today i tried 

ah shoot i can't do his voice

today i tried a different yogurt
yes this is julian
do i sound like julian
today i tried a different yogurt
today
today
so today i tried a different yogurt
today i tried a different yogurt as i did my morning exercises
as i did my morning exercises 
with one eye on stonehenge and the other on the downs
and i was thinking to myself how glorious it is to be profound
and another thought hit me 
it was from the goddess the goddess the goddess goddess goddess
she was telling me to dance and so i stood up and said

i'm a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back
a cavy in the forest and i want my cave back

all right it's seriously hot in here
  

The Fan

Hmm. Another pun-based song. Aimless in the beginning but tighter near the end.

Lyrics to "The Fan":

this one's called the fan

it was a lot hot night in the back of the tour bus
we noticed somebody strange among us
he was a fan fan fan blowing in our hair
i said hey man man man what you doing in here

the fan said i just wanted to bond with my idols
and i said which one of us is your idols 'cause i doubt there's 2 of us
and the fan said i just think you are so so special as jodie special
as the jodie special
the jodie special
jodie special

and i said i can't hear anything about the fan
the fan is making so much noise
the fan just wants to be one of the boys

i reached that point where nothing i sing is gonna make sense
everything i play just sounds like it's just strumming atonally
the lyrics are tired and i bet you're tired of me
i don't even try to play any chords anymore
don't ever try

gotta know when to stop better
gotta know when to stop better
gotta know when to stop better
gotta know when to stop better
gotta know when to stop better
gotta know when to stop better
gotta gotta know when to stop better

travis you do not have to
you do not have to digitize this
it's not worth it

i'm just fishing fishing fishing
and if i don't catch one then let's throw out the pictures
pretend i never begun

let's throw out the pictures and pretend i never began
let's throw out the pictures
let's throw out the pictures
let's throw out the pictures
let's throw out the pictures

and let's just pretend
that i've never tried
to make something
complex

'cause nothing is amounting to this
'cause nothing is amounting from this
'cause nothing is amounting from this

i better no play something witty
because then i will be compelled
to document it
it's so hot in here
it's so hot in here
it's so hot in here
it's so hot in here

and the fan is blowing in our hair
and i said hey
hey mister fan stop it
hey mister fan cool it
man i'm getting a blister
man i'm getting a blister
and he said hey mister
can i hang around you
and i said no can do
you can't hang around with me
'cause i'm not an idiot can you see

i'm getting a blister
  

Ninth of May

Decent guitar sound. Dumb lyrics.

Lyrics to "Ninth of May":

next day
9th of may

it's the 9th of may
nothing is gonna happen today
it's the 9th of may
nothing nothing nothing's gonna happen at this pace

another nondescript day in may

nobody cares about the 9th of may
including me
i guess it's somebody's birthday
but not me

the 9th of may is a boring day
nothing's gonna happen today
the 9th of may is just another day day
still another day day
nobody thinks about the 9th of may

you got your cubicle
i've got my 9th of may
all we sink into dismay

the 9th of may is a very boring day
nobody cares about the 9th of may
  

Bumblebees

Decent (if predictable) guitar playing. Dumb vocals.

Lyrics to "Bumblebees":

[scat]

there's bumblebees in my yard
and they smell the flowers
go bumblebees your
you got the flowers in your power

you're gonna kill many bumblebees
you're gonna kill many bumblebees

what a dumb song

that was a really stupid song about bumblebees
  

RMA KVM

Starts off messy, peaks in the middle, loses energy as my eardrum started buzzing.

Lyrics to "RMA KVM":

this next song will make you weak at the knees
yeah right
since when does anything i play make anyone weak at the knees

gonna rma the kvm 
'cause it's not working well for me
rma the kvm 
yes i am a geek

rma the kvm 
is this the best i can do
rma the kvm 
i'm singing this song for you

3 4 
1 and 2 and 3 and 4
1 and 2 and 3 and 4
1 and 2 and 3 and 4
1 and 2 and 

gonna kvm
gonna kvm

just awful
the name of this song is rma kvm

gonna rma the kvm
the kvm ain't working for me
gonna rma the kvm
gonna see if they send me a better one

rma the kvm
this one ain't working for me
i know this song it sounds so stupid
but this is the best i can do

rma the kvm
that's my plan you see
rma the kvm
'cause it's not working for me

i hit the scroll lock 1 or 2 times and ???
i gotta hit it 3 or 4 times and then i gotta hit another key 3 or 4 times too
it's so frustrating
it's malfunctioning ???

everybody now
rma the kvm
'cause it's not working for me
gonna get my 40 bucks back

gotta rma this kvm
[scat]
i know the lyrics they sound like poo

my ear is buzzing
and i'm getting a blister too

gonna rma the kvm
and my eardrum keeps on buzzing
??? say i gotta turn it down 
turn it down 
turn it down 
turn it down...
  

RMA Reprise

Messy continuation of the ideas from last song.

Lyrics to "RMA Reprise":

gosh that really hurts my ears i'm serious
it really hurts my ear 
it hurts it 
it hurts it 
it hurts it 
it hurts it 
i cannot stand when it hurts

oh no none of that stuff
just gimme something straightforward

i tried changing the cables
but that didn't work
i talked to tech support
but the guy was a jerk
  

Preparation Zero

Silly lyrics, inspired by the old computer game Carmageddon.

Lyrics to "Preparation Zero":

the name of this song is preparation zero

so i got into the car and didn't know where i wanted to go
it's rare for me to do this sort of thing
usually i have an agenda or at least a map
but today i just felt like being spontaneous

so i put my petal to the metal
and i stepped it
i pushed it to the floor
and the engine began to roar

drove 35 miles in a 15 mile an hour zone
didn't notice the school lights were flashing
but that didn't matter 'cause the first little kid that i ran over
was just a kindergartener i didn't even start ???shing

and the second little kid that i smooshed with my corvette
was just a little bit bigger than the first one hardly made a dent
but the third kid was a fatty i think he bent my bumper back
i'm gonna have to sue his parents when i get back

when i get back from my unplanned trek

uh oh i hear sirens
better go to another school

then then then then then...
and then they found out ??? the other school

this is a preschool they are easy meat
i get ??? killing under my feet ??? the wheels of my corvette

i ain't got any problems my car except the windshield's a little red muh
the windshield's a little red muh
i have no plans for ???

in any case this story makes you want to throw up

i've got my corvette and my budweiser in a can
gonna show the world i'm a big man
gonna see how many pedestrians i can crush
not going anywhere in a rush

the car is red and wet the sexy corvette
gonna smoosh the preschoolers
where's the spca 
i feel like having a fur coat today

red and wet my sexy corvette
i'm a big man with a big cup
aha 
ain't got no plan today

i'm feeling lazy and crazy
gonna smoosh some little baby

red and wet my sexy corvette
as i smoosh the kids
gonna flatten some pigs

speaking of pigs here come the sirens
i see their flashing lights
that's ok i can out run them

gonna take another swig of beer
nothing to fear
in my sexy corvette
red and wet

ain't got no plan
here come the man

i got an itch
i forgot about that ditch
my car suddenly has a plan of its own
and now the jailhouse is my home

bubba is red and wet
ooh i don't know what he's doing behind me in the shower
bubba ain't got a plan
ow what was that ow
bubba stop it

the name of that song was i don't know don't care
redneck consequences perhaps
  

Red and Wet

This starts off as a continuation of the last song ("Preparation Zero") but is mostly hyper noodling and jamming in a bunch of different styles.

Lyrics to "Red and Wet":

how about red and wet
red and wet

i'm red and wet in my sexy corvette
and now i'm going to hell

and that was really bad

come on song die
die song die
die song die
die song die

it's all ??? you've got ???
the amp simulator does most of the work

1 2 3 4
that's all i am doing
this is the closest thing a guitar player can do to button pushing
red and wet
  

Guinea Pigs Intro

Sloppy searching for ideas.

Lyrics to "Guinea Pigs Intro":

my god i go through so many tapes
today's the 10th of may

yikes
  

Guinea Pigs to the Vet

Kinda catchy once it gets going.

Lyrics to "Guinea Pigs to the Vet":

gotta take the guinea pigs to the vet today
i gotta cut their nails gotta see how they like so much the hay

guinea pigs to the vet today
guinea pigs to the vet today

gonna finish my work and try to do a good job today
last night i spent all my time messing with computer configurations

don't know what i'm gonna do with trex today
don't know if i have time for tripecac today

i am gonna take the guinea pigs
i'm not looking forward to it

one thing is sure and that's the value of these songs 
is not the guitar or the vocals it is just the gestalt
oh i could say it's all just me 
and yet i just do not know how otherwise i ??? the fault

gotta take the guinea pigs to the vet today
gotta get the contact lenses from the vet today
gonna put the contacts on the guinea pigs and it'll help them see the hay
ha ha ha

right now donovan wears glasses coffee's just as blind
coffee refuses to wear anything that looks like it's tacky
coffee is stylish, donovan is fat
donovan doesn't ever care how he looks
he always wakes up doesn't even bother to brush his hair

gotta take the guinea pigs to the vet today
gotta pick up my contacts too
gonna check the mail if i have time
and i'm gonna come home to you

gotta take the guinea pigs to the vet today
and that's just what i'll do
and in the meantime i'll just play
[scat]

gotta take the guinea pigs to the vet today
and that is what i'll do
gonna give them contacts so they can see their hay
and see and avoid walking on their poo
  

Here Comes an Eagle

Continuing the animal theme. Not very successfully.

Lyrics to "Here Comes an Eagle":

here comes the eagle
or is it a beagle
or is it smeagol
or his brother deagol

here comes something scary
here comes something hairy

here comes an eagle
here comes an eagle
or is it eagle
or is it beagle

it is scary
to smell the smell of burning plastic as i record
it's kinda hot in here today
and another chord and another chord and another chord
don't even have a ???
but that's okay it's okay it's okay
this is called practicing

i record too many songs like this
'cause i ??? 
i record too many jams like this
they all sound the same they all sound the same 

here comes an eagle
with the big scary talons
here comes an eagle
the thing i lack is talent

here comes an eagle
here comes an eagle
here comes an eagle
this sounds so labored labored labored labored labored labored

that was horrible
  

Eagle Reprise

Confessions.

Lyrics to "Eagle Reprise":

yes i do have a sense of taste
this isn't my idea of good music ok
it's not like i say i want to create this 
tuneless messy repetitive throbbing nasty jam
like this you know i want something 
i want something muscular but clean 
and with lots of effects so that you can't hear how bad i am at playing

here comes an eagle
with the talons

no it's not working
gotta hit the pause button now
  

Santa Claws

Kinda catchy in a macabre sort of way.

Lyrics to "Santa Claws":

santa claus
had no claws
he liked reindeer
for their meat

every night
he fantasized
about the meal he'd have
after christmas eve

santa claus
had no claws
he used a chainsaw
on the reindeer meat

he prefered them fresh
hot from the chase

mrs saw mrs clause
said santa you got reindeer on your face
big blobs of reindeer guts on your face

santa claus
had no claws
so he just slapped mrs claus
and said don't talk back you fat blimp

you you've got elf guts on your face

merry christmas y'all
i'm gonna eat you
merry christmas y'all
i'm gonna meat you

mrs claus
don't don't talk back to me

santa claus
had no claws
he used chainsaws
to open rudolph's arteries
and suck the blood of rudolph

vampire
reindeer vampire
reindeer vampire

ho ho ho ho ho you stupid ho
you've got elf guts on your face
santa santa santa you're a waste of space

everybody knows you outsource the christmas eve's driving

ah let's try it again

everybody knows you outsource the christmas eve driving

oh let's try it again

i'm outsourcing the playing of this song
some guy in india is playing this ??? guitar
and he's getting tired you know why
'cause he doesn't eat meat

vegetarian indian
vegetarian indian

meanwhile
santa claus santa claus
you outsource all the driving

who's gonna drive the sled this year
will it be apu
who's gonna drive the sled this year
'cause it ain't gonna be you

santa claus has diabetes
from eating too much reindeer meat
mrs claus has elf guts 
permanently clustered on her face

another name for elk is ekimo
santa claus eats reindeer
mrs claus eats ekimo

support the claus institution
??? some day ???

merry christmas y'all
and good cheer
santa santa santa actually died this year
died from diabetes
that's why they call it diabetes

santa incorperated
will continue to run the company in his stead
'cause santa is dead
  

Tired Garage Band

Over the course of several false starts, this simple jam doesn't really click together until the end.

Lyrics to "Tired Garage Band":

???

1 2 3 4

you got the power chord

hey you you got the power
to play the chord

that doesn't work

we are the garage band
my hand is getting tired

gosh this is so exhausting
let's try this again
2 3 4

we are a garage band
guitar in my hand

aches are in my thumb
it ceases to be fun
when i hurt like this

my hand is feeling cramped
i'm barely hitting the chords anymore

i can't do it
my hand hurts too much 

nice one trav
1 2 3 4

we are we are the garage band
we are all cramped in our hand
i'm sick of being in this here garage band
i'm sick of callouses on my hand

i'm tired of playing in this garage band
i'm tired of sleeping in the van
i'm tired of singing in the garage band
i'm tired of struggling to sound like a man

i'm tired of being in this garage band
i'm tired of sleeping in the van
i'm tired of playing in the garage band
i'm tired of blisters on my hand

tired of singing in the garage band
tired of struggling to sound like a man
i'm tired of writing songs for the garage band
i'm tired of always ending in a jam

uh
man my eye hurts
you get the idea
tired garage band